Regardless of the projects we are working on, and of the goals we aim for, our default tendency is to add; add new activities, add new thoughts, add new habits, add new things, add new behaviors, and so on. This is how we end up with unreasonable recommendations for 3 hour long morning routine, 80 hour work week, and hour-long daily meditation practice.
However, it is likely that by removing the big blocks that stand in our way we will arrive to our destination faster and with less efforts. If we were to look at life as a hurdle race, we can easily see that we have higher probabilities to succeed by removing the hurdles, than by adding “jump-training”.
So what are these 3 main hurdles that hinder us in every area of our lives; work, relationships, health, happiness?
✋ Perfection versus Progress
Perfectionism is a curse that affects most of us, and gets especially bad for the “Type A, ambitious, driven, have to make it right at all costs” individuals. Perfectionism is also, unfortunately, reinforced in most organizations where making a mistake, no matter how small, is akin to heresy.
Regardless of how many times we have read and heard about “the gifts of imperfections”, “being perfectly imperfect” and “the upside of failing”, we want to control the outcomes and guarantee success - or a least eradicate any potential error.
However, this attachment to perfection prevents us to get into action, as we won’t engage in anything short of perfect. Or we might engage in a new unproven endeavor, but it will require tremendous amounts of time and energy, no matter how menial the project.
I used to be like that, very very much, and in some areas still am; I don’t cook AT ALL. The agreed upon reasons behind that are plentiful; cooking is time consuming, uninteresting, smelly, and so on. In reality, I am so afraid to f$#k it up that I would rather not even try.
I don’t care about cooking, so let’s be honest it has not truly impacted my life. However, for a very long time this dynamic was at play in every area; work, play, travel, relationships. It was making my world very small and exhausting. The constant control I had to exert over my environment to make sure things were perfect was preventing me to try new things, to reach my goals and to be efficient doing so.
I was (mostly) able to get past this need for perfection by just starting new projects, even without knowing how to do them. Content creation has been an excellent example. I didn’t know how to put together and publish content and the best practices on the topic were absolutely overwhelming. There were so many reasons for me not to put myself out there; I am not a major in English, I am not a marketer, I am not a video editor, I have a huge French accent, etcetera, etcetera. But I just did it and, bottom line, I am enjoying it. Could it be better, absolutely no doubt in my mind it could. However it would have never existed in the first place, if I had wanted it to be perfect.
Success and opportunities love movement. If we don’t move, nothing new and exciting will happen. A great way for me to beat the resistance to start something, even imperfectly, is to write it down on my daily to-do list. Not the very long to-do list that we all keep somewhere. The super short one. The one that once an item is on it, there is no turning back.
✋ Process versus Intention
It took me a while to realize that my focus was totally misguided when engaging in pretty much any activity. I was obsessed with the process, and was totally missing the intention behind my actions.
First, I absolutely needed to have someone else -“ the expert”- explain me in excruciating details “the way”. Second, hell or high water, “the way” had to be followed to the letter. I thought the magic was in all the little steps that were making the overall recipe. I never stopped to ask myself; “Is that step necessary?”, “Could I make the process more efficient”, “What is it bringing to my goal?”, “Is it their perspective?”.
I was totally missing the forest for the tree, and to stay in the world of analogies I was stuck on the letter of the law versus the spirit of the law.
I was giving my power away to experts and processes that might have been totally sub-par. This rigidity (which is very much linked to perfectionism) was preventing me to see creative, efficient and potentially fun ways to reach my goals. I had tunnel vision and could only see the next little step, versus the overall intention and end goal.
Now, yes, I will look into best practices. However, I know that these best practices might have been the best, at some point, in a certain context, for someone else and that they might not apply anymore, or might not be the best for me. I also believe that I might uncover a new best practice, myself, by doing something differently.
Coming back to your intention prior to launching into actions, challenging the experts and their processes, looking for new ways to reach your goals, developing your own approach, all of that will help you to bring more flexibility, fun and efficiency while meeting your target.
✋ Incongruency between goals, beliefs, actions, words, feelings and thoughts
This cognitive dissonance affects us in more ways than we think. Experiencing contradictions between our beliefs and our actions is akin to driving with a foot on the brake and the other on the accelerator; not fun, nor efficient, exhausting and frustrating!
Knowing very well that drinking, smoking, or eating sugar are bad for our health and still doing it are very typical examples of incongruency between our actions and beliefs.
Cognitive dissonances are very problematic for several reasons; first, they generate anxiety, stress, shame, and guilt; second, they keep us away from our goals.
Limiting beliefs are behind the resistances that are leading us to incongruent actions and then blocking us on the way to our goals.
Zeroing in on the limiting belief is the first step to get rid of it. What are the secondary benefits this limiting belief is bringing you? If you are a smoker who would love to stop but can’t seem to be able to, what would be underneath that resistance? Do you think it make you look “young and cool”? Is it a way to meet people? Is it a way to have a break at work? Does it make you feel part of a community? Would your relatives be bothered if you were to stop? Is smoking part of who you are?…
We can ask ourselves these questions when facing blocks. I know I used to love to have a drink when having lunch or dinner with my friends. And even if I wanted to cut it out, I could not seem to be able to do so. I realized that for me alcohol meant fun, conviviality, “cool kid”, but also that I was afraid to bother my friends if I were not to drink.
I would advise you to look at some of your goals and values to detect the potential incongruencies between them and your actions. You can start with something small, it will be easier to be impartial. I personally like to jolt down some notes re the potential limiting beliefs behind the cognitive dissonance. It helps me to crystalize them.
Once you have uncovered a couple of limiting beliefs, now the fun begins! Over the years I used a bunch of techniques to release mine. Below are the ones I have used with consistent success. I like to combine them for optimal results. I will explore them in more details in subsequent newsletters.
Microdosing psilocybin; I mentioned in previous editions how much microdosing has helped me, not only to increase my awareness, but also to release my mental blocks. It is absolutely amazing in combination with the tools listed below. 🍄
Journaling; It will help you detect patterns and limiting beliefs, and also keep track of your progress. If you want to really accelerate changes and make them stick, then write down every little improvements you experience.
Setting intentions; You need to know what is your desired state. If your limiting belief is that smoking brings secondary benefits, such as work break, community and coolness, your intention will be to free yourself from these beliefs. Write it down!!
Visualization / Silva meditation; Every morning and evening in bed, take a few minutes to imagine your intention as having already happened. It will give your mind a target to focus on and bring to life.
Tapping meditation; This is one of my favorite tool to release limiting beliefs. My tapping coach, Kelly Elliot is amazing. She works 1-on-1, and offers an online course, so you can also do it yourself in the comfort of your own home. 😁
Coaching; My coach extraordinaire Lise Janelle has a tremendous technology for releasing limiting beliefs. She will soon publish a book with Jack Canfield, in the meantime I recommend her great seminar (that I have done and loved!).
Hypnosis / guided meditations; I have worked 1-on-1 with hypnotherapists in the past, however at this point I am mainly listening to tracks I download from Apple Music or from a great French practitioner, Camille Griselin (in French though).
I have tried so many tools over the years that I could write a book just on those! The ones mentioned above are really the top ones to free yourself from mental blocks and create the changes you want to see in your life.
My philosophy of change is to clear and then reprogram, using multiple tools. It is simple and logical, however most times the recommended approach is to add to whatever is already going on, by leveraging only one modality. From what I have seen in myself and others, this is not efficient at all.
Releasing the limiting beliefs that were behind the incongruency between your goals and your actions will help you reach your targets. Multiple limiting beliefs can be at play behind one goal. On the other hand, one limiting belief can be at play behind many goals.
You can use these techniques to also address the resistances that might be behind your perfectionism and your focus on process mentioned above.
Releasing limiting beliefs are akin to taking a shower, it is daily hygiene; you are not just taking one amazing shower for the rest of your life. 😁
Now Enjoy More Success, Joy, and Ease in Your Life!!
Please share your comments and questions!
If you are interested in knowing more about me, you can visit my website or my YouTube channel.
😎Key Takeaways:
Regardless of the projects we are working on, and of the goals we aim for, our default tendency is to add;
However, it is likely that by removing the big blocks that stand in our way we will arrive to our destination faster and with less efforts;
3 main hurdles hinder us in every area of our lives; 1) Perfection versus Progress; 2) Process versus Intention; 3) Incongruency between goals, beliefs, actions, words, feelings and thoughts;
1) Perfection versus Progress; the attachment to perfection prevents us to get into action, as we won’t engage in anything short of perfect. Or we might engage in a new unproven endeavor, but it will require tremendous amounts of time and energy, no matter how menial the project;
Get past this need for perfection by just starting new projects, even without knowing how to do them;
2) Process versus Intention; being obsessed with the process, and totally miss the intention behind the actions. This rigidity is preventing us to see creative, efficient and potentially fun ways to reach our goals;
Come back to your intention prior to launching into actions, challenge the experts and their processes, look for new ways to reach your goals, develop your own approach, all of that will help you bring more flexibility, fun and efficiency while meeting your target;
3) Incongruency between goals, beliefs, actions, words, feelings and thoughts; Cognitive dissonances are very problematic for several reasons; first, they generate anxiety, stress, shame, and guilt; second, they keep us away from our goals;
Look at some of your goals and values to detect the potential incongruencies between them and your actions;
Tools to release mental blocks; Microdosing psilocybin, journaling, setting intentions, visualization, tapping; coaching, guided meditation. Use them in combination for optimal results;
My philosophy of change is to clear and then reprogram, using multiple tools;
Releasing limiting beliefs are akin to taking a shower, it is daily hygiene; you are not just taking one amazing shower for the rest of your life.
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