💡 In life, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you believe you deserve
Welcome back to The Microdose Diet a newsletter about personal and professional development using alternative medicines 🍄
How do you know you need more self-worth
For as long as I can remember I have worked very hard to “better myself”.
When I was a young adult it was about learning foreign languages, communication and leadership skills, or speed-reading to only name a few topics. And these were in addition of practicing all the sports you can play, and studying all the books you can read during one’s life.
There was not a learning program that I would not want to follow.
Then, the trainings became different, hypnosis, meditation, tapping, NLP, coaching and so on. I had intuitively figured out that “something was off”, but could not pinpoint what. Focusing on what was happening between my two ears seems like the right place to start.
On the surface this betterment process is very laudable, after all aren’t education, hard work and excellence the key to success?
The challenge was that all of these initiatives were not really aimed at making me better, they were aimed at making me “good enough”, “ acceptable”. And as you can imagine feeling “good enough” or “acceptable” is a pretty elusive goal, especially when you have no idea that it is what you are chasing. For the longest time, I sincerely believed that I was just intellectually curious and ambitious (which I definitely am) and that the search for betterment was part of the process of being human (which it is to some degree).
In my case, the underlying challenge was that I could not see that my deep lack of self-worth, self-love, self-confidence and all the “self + positive attribute” words were behind this quest for betterment, which in reality was an unrealistic quest for perfection in the hope of one day be “acceptable”.
It took me a very long time to realize that the little voice in my head who was constantly criticizing me, putting me down and judging me was not “right”. That I was not constantly a terrible person, a disappointment, a total shame. When people were referring to self-hatred, or self-loathing I never for a second thought that I was in that camp. Of course, I could not accept myself as I was, but it had nothing to do with self-hatred, Stupid! It was just reality!! Of course it is totally and utterly unacceptable for me not to be perfectly smart, knowledgeable, pretty, kind, fun and tutti quanti. This is just basics. It is not even perfection! Of course I should be able to speak 3 languages without a hint of an accent, be a competitive ballroom dancer, excel at tennis, have a super successful career, fit in my 16 year old-self jeans and be financially independent. After all, James Bond does it all. It is only normal than I should be doing as much as him, if not better!
So let’s say that I was pretty far gone in the delusional spectrum of what my “MVP” was and that there was no relief in sight for me in this constant quest for the Good Enough Me. The Me I could finally accept, even maybe love and be proud of (without knowing that self-love and self-worth were really what I was after 🙄).
In the last few years though I started seeing through that web of lies and finally come to the realization that my perspective of what my life should be was deeply flawed. It had been quite challenging as, the second I was trying to accept my “normality” (no, I am not James Bond and this standard might be unrealistic), my little voice was screaming that I was lazy or settling for mediocre
One of the challenges I have been facing forever is my neurodivergence, which makes me very literal and not necessarily great with handling the nuances of “real life”. My mother, brother, boyfriends, friends cut my meat until I was 20 years old and I was always travelling with my own food. I was in my 20’s the first time I ate a sandwich and in my 40’s the first time I prepared one (I had no choice, I was at a friend’s cottage and was tasked with “making the sandwiches for lunch”). And I am only mentioning a few food-related bizarreries 🙄. All of my “requirements” were very normal to me, I never looked at myself as “different”. My friends and family were used to my idiosyncrasies. I also had learnt how to behave in “socially acceptable ways” by watching others and imitating their behaviors, so I was mostly able to fly under the radar. Unfortunately my inability to adequately grasp nuances prevented me to see for the longest time that I was not aiming at realistic goals. Hence the massive amount of self-loathing that from my perspective was just a fair assessment of my very low value and success.
Now looking back I realize to which extend the signs of my naivete have been everywhere. I used to blush a lot which was extremely painful in social and professional settings (and also a very deep and visible sign of my extreme shame at being myself). Ten years ago my doctor seeing me blushing while I was answering an innocuous question offered to prescribe betablockers to minimize the inconvenience. When she saw my puzzled look she said “Half of Bay Street (the Canadian equivalent of Wall Street or The City) is on this type of medications”. She would have known, her office was located in one of the main bank towers and she was visibly the official drug provider of the high-powered executives who impressed me so much at the time. I obviously turned her down, I would manage my blushing the hard way by uprooting the causes versus barely managing the symptoms (like James Bond would!). But here was a real-life hint that human beings deemed successful had “weaknesses”, but I was not ready to hear it. In my mind, I was the unacceptable problem, not the norm.
However as I became more and more engaged in personal and spiritual development I started having more and more Ah Ah moments when it came to my very low levels of self-love and self-worth. So much so that my intention before an exhausting and pretty scary experience in a Mexican sweat lodge 5 years ago was for “self-generated self-worth”. Unfortunately at the time I still didn’t understand that changes were gradual. I was expecting to wake up one morning with total absolute self-love and self-worth. Just like that: Boom! But at least it was a sign that I had realized I needed some progress on that front.
Last year, during my first psilocybin journey, which was very intense to say the least, one of the main messages I received was related to my self-love and self-worth (or rather lack of). And it was pretty graphic. In my altered state of consciousness I could see a Sorcerer-Chaman removing snakes, rats and other uplifting creatures from my body, a pretty clear message targeted at my long-standing deep self-hatred that was overdue for a clearing.
Why is it so important to augment your self-worth
But the biggest Ah Ah moment so far happened recently, after a great tapping session. A very clear understanding dawned on me, deep down, like a lightning bolt: “How could I expect success and money while I am assessing myself as being of low value?!”. It is almost laughable when you take a minute to really stay with this message. How could someone who judges, criticizes, invalidates themselves on a constant basis expect others to behave differently?! How could we expect professional success at the level of our potential while being plagued by crippling self-doubt, self-judgment and self-loathing?!
A brilliant hypnotist, Camille Griselin, used to say “You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you believe you deserve”. And it had been such a shock for me to realize that all of us are in some way or another suffering from low self-love and self-worth, but somehow expecting (or at least hoping) for great success and money, while deep-down we don’t think we are worth it. Intellectually I had a strong inkling this equation was true, but now I KNOW it at a cellular level, in my bones.
High Self-Worth = Potential Realized = Maximized Success
Low Self-Worth = Self-Sabotage = Unrealized Potential = Crumbs of Success
And at this point, it really doesn’t matter if this low self-worth is coming from Dad, Mom, siblings, schools, Church, Aliens and so on. The only thing that matters is that now, at this minute, you can make a conscious choice to either continue driving with one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake - meaning working hard for success & money, while secretly loathing yourself. Or you can decide to remove the foot from the brake - meaning releasing the self-judgment, self-criticism and self-hatred to fully benefit from your entire potential and efforts.
This realization has really transformed the way I look at myself and my goals. Yes if I want my next book (to be published in Fall 2024💪) to be commercially successful which will require tremendous amounts of work BUT I can also choose to believe that I am good enough for this success. And thus remove my foot off the brake.
Meaning I can spend all my time working on my book, foot 100% on the accelerator, (soothing my lack of self-confidence via workaholism at the same time), hoping that my massive efforts combined with my current level of self-worth (foot 80% on the brake) will do the trick. Aka 20% results
Or I can allocate some time to increasing my self-worth and confidence, freeing some time from my perfectionism, being more effective on my book (foot 40% on the break) while still allocating significant amount of time to my book (foot 75% on the accelerator). Aka 35% results, while having LT increased benefits from heightened self-worth.
I like the second math better 😀
How to augment your self-worth
Whether you have 20%, 40%, 60% or even 80% of self-worth, precisely self-generated self-worth (meaning if you were stripped of all external validation and signs of success), doesn’t matter. You will benefit from more intrinsic self-worth regardless.
So how can you increase your self-worth and get the wind in your back versus in your front?
First, where is it that you are loathing yourself? It is very easy to find actually…where are you criticizing others? Maybe it is this sloppy neighbor, lazy coworker, overweight spouse, needy child. Others are just a mirror and a reflection of where / how you are not accepting yourself. I know that I deeply dislike indecisive people, because I can’t stand being indecisive (aka weak in my not so nuanced mind). When I hear myself criticize someone, I know I hit a nugget of self-loathing. And that is where the challenge begin - accepting the perceived shortcomings in yourself.
How do you accept your “flaws”? Several options here. I use a couple. First, I love tapping. Yes again tapping. 😀 I will tap on the situation in order to remove the emotional charge. If you want to learn more about tapping, go here. Second, I feel the feeling that I have repressed and that made me react to the situation (or being triggered if you like that lingo better). For me in the context of indecision it will be the shame of being weak. So instead of staying at the surface-level feelings of criticism, anger and resentment, I will get in touch with the shame and stay with the feeling until it passes.
Increase your self-care, we care for what we value and we value what we care for. If you are treating yourself and your surroundings like garbage, change that. It can be as easy as ironing your shirt, taking the time to go for a walk, dressing nicely, taking a bath…it doesn’t have to cost anything or take any time. You are signaling to your conscious and unconscious minds that you deserve care because you’re worth it!
Today, I choose differently. I have had tremendous difficulty eating healthy. For the longest time my diet has mostly been carbs and cutting my massive daily chocolate intake has been akin to torture. BUT I have a new mantra: “Today, I choose differently.” And I make these choices in accordance with what someone with a high sense of self-worth would. It can start with very small choices. It requires to be present and get off the auto-pilot reactions & knee-jerk reactions.
Compassion. Probably the word I hated the most (again, weakness alert!), until I understood that I would have better results by being tolerant with myself than by being controlling and authoritative. I will let you on a secret - the more you control someone (including yourself), the more they rebel to demonstrate agency. We all want freedom and control over our own life. So this self-sabotaging of your diet or anything else is simply You asserting Yourself towards authority (which also happens to be You in that scenario). Mind-bending isn’t it? 😀
And please drop the affirmations. Unless you are already pretty much there they only signal to your unconscious that you are fooling yourself…which makes it push back even harder, deepening the opposite beliefs. Not what you are aiming for!
I hope you enjoy the read - please like, comment, subscribe 😀 - and that you will give a try at increasing your self-worth…what is the worst that can happen?!
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About The Microdose Diet
The Microdose Diet by Peggy Van de Plassche focuses on personal and professional development using alternative medicines, such as microdosing psilocybin, tapping meditation, journaling, guided meditation and visualization ✨
I am Peggy Van de Plassche, a former banker and VC who now speaks and writes about the benefits of alternatives medicines, such as microdosing psilocybin, for professional and personal growth. I created The Microdose Diet - the 90 Day Plan for Success and Happiness🍾
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This newsletter is designed to entertain and inform, not provide medical advice. You should always consult your doctor when it comes to your personal health or before you start any treatment 🩺